


The D Word (prototype; revamp coming soon)

by wherethegravelsthin



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Coming Out, Domestic Post-Apocalyptic Life, Drinking, F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Game, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, just weed though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 06:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherethegravelsthin/pseuds/wherethegravelsthin
Summary: In which Ellie calls Joel “Dad” for the first time.





	The D Word (prototype; revamp coming soon)

**Author's Note:**

> this the most self-indulgent fluff to end all self-indulgent fluff  
not to say this won’t have angst, but, like, no more than you’d expect in the last of us, and even then probably significantly less
> 
> edit 6/6/20: so obviously it’s been a while since I’ve updated this, the short story of it is that I came down with a really severe case of depression this past winter and between public matters (ie coronavirus) and personal family drama issues (my grandfather died, my grandmother is in the process of dying, my elderly dog is dying, and my elderly cat is reaching the end of his life as well)...suffice to say I’ve been in a real rut for writing. I’m going to work on the outline of the whole fic and get it written and I will start updating again likely after tlou2 drops. I’m so sorry for the wait and I thoroughly appreciate all the kind words and kudos! I plan to rework this (including this first chapter that’s been posted) but until then I will leave this up and open for your viewing pleasure. I promise an update is coming soon!

The Sunday afternoon town hall discussions weren’t mandatory, but it would be a rare day that not everyone in Jackson turned up for it regardless. It was prime social time; chatting with the neighbors on the other side of town, meet up with whoever you know has patrol shift with you the next week, and on some occasions, learn any important news that may have come up. Sometimes it could be as simple as the birth of a new foal; sometimes as nerve wracking as learning that bandits have been spotted by lookouts, evidently checking the place out, putting everyone in the community on edge.

Ellie finally arrived, shuffling into the meetinghouse, and in her rush to get inside, her boots missed the rug and began tracking in snow on the wood floor. She looked up and her eyes immediately landed on Joel, standing not far from the front door and holding a mug in his hand.

“Hey, Joel,” she said, rubbing her hands together and blowing on her fingers.

Joel looked up from a mug of tea — not as good as coffee,according to him, but Maria said they’re working on it — and gave a disapproving look at the snow tracks, which were beginning to melt. He sighed and shook his head. “Oh, Ellie, isn’t this habit bad enough at home? C’mon, lots more people are gonna be here soon and they could slip.”

“Jeez, Joel, how about a hello first?” Ellie responded a little sharply, and winced, regretting her harshness almost immediately.

Before she could apologize, Joel chuckled, the lines around his eyes crinkling as a faint smile appeared on his lips. “Hey, kiddo. C’mon, why don’t we find something to clean this mess up with —— ”

“ —— Too late! I’ve got this taken care of.” The voice of Kat appeared from out of nowhere, and Ellie’s heart jostled in her chest, a feeling that was becoming more frequent around Kat lately — and a feeling she had only felt around one other person before that. It was a flood of adrenaline, mixed with spontaneously red cheeks and a desperate need to turn her focus onto something, anything else, because this feeling is capital-D Dangerous. The only problem was, Ellie couldn’t bring herself to avoid Kat —— she liked her too much.

Too many things could go wrong. Every time Ellie spent time with Kat, when she closed her eyes, she saw Riley standing where she left her, their first kiss still on Ellie’s lips. Ellie still couldn’t bear to think of the moments afterward — the idea of Riley alone was painful enough, and yet she wore it like an invisible burial shroud, a cloak protecting herself, not letting anyone in, not in that way.

Ellie blinked a couple times and shook her head. Joel had walked away, back over to a few other guys he shared patrols with. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Maria hurriedly organizing papers on the front desk, occasionally making nervous glances at the clock. It didn’t matter that everyone already here was fifteen minutes early; for Maria, schedule is the foundation of a functioning society.

Ellie cleared her throat and rubbed her nose, falling back on her old nervous tic. “Hey, uh, thanks for getting that.”

“No sweat!” Kat looked up from sweeping the larger chunks of snow into the dust pan, then picked up the dust pan and headed towards the back door. “I’m on cleaning duty anyway, so I might as well. Maybe you can grab the mop and just wipe the area up a little while I toss this outside?”

“Sure thing,” Ellie replied, grateful for the excuse to look away from staring at Kat. Too often, Ellie felt enraptured by Kat’s appearance; her spirited gaze, her smiles that could turn in an instant from sweet to devious, the flounce of her hair. Most of their time spent together, as long as Ellie’s mind didn’t stray to the thought of Riley, was filled with laughter —— giggles from Ellie’s stupid puns, barely snuffled snorts when pulling off one of Kat’s more unconventional ideas for getting chores done quicker. Add in a joint and a beer or two and it was as though all of Ellie’s fears melted away, her ghosts receding from the cloud of alcohol and marijuana floating through her brain.

When Kat returned, Ellie stuck the mop back into the bucket. “Here. Do you have a rag to dry the puddle off with? I don’t want anyone to slip.”

Kat shook her head and responded with a wave of her hand. “It’ll air dry before everyone else shows up, don’t worry about it. Besides, this just about wraps up my chores for the week… How about you? What jobs do you think you’re going to get assigned this time around?”

Ellie sighed, sticking out her lower lip and blowing her hair out of her eyes. “Probably helping things get set up in the gardens and orchards. We won’t have slush on the ground for much longer.”

Kat smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Not too thrilled about that, huh?”

Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed. “Ugh, I wish Maria would just let me take on some of the goddamn patrol shifts. I’m nearly sixteen! Back in Boston, when you turned sixteen, they made you a soldier. She says we have to wait til I’m eighteen, but I’m ready now! Why doesn’t she think I’m capable enough?”

“Pshh. Since when has FEDRA had the right idea about helping people? Maria wants the kids here to enjoy their time spent as kids. That’s all.”

Ellie shrugged and fell silent, kicking her toe against the wood floor. What did Maria know about her childhood? The hardship she endured, the responsibility she was ready to take on —— and now people expect her to just be a kid again for two years? She didn’t get it.

“Easy for you to say,” Ellie finally said. “You didn’t have someone teaching you to be a soldier by the time you were sixteen.”

Kat sighed, a rare act for her. “Well, you’re here now. That’s the past. Soon we’ll be 18 and patrolling the outside so much we’ll be dying to get a shift on the inside of the wall. Make the most of now, y’know?”

The bell at the door rang to announce more people filing into the meeting hall. “Don’t forget to stamp out your shoes first!” Kat called, running over to the front door to greet the newcomers, but not before flashing a teasing wink back at Ellie.

Ellie swallowed hard and readjusted her scarf to better hide her now flaming red cheeks. Needing to distract herself, Ellie turned and walked to the beverage stand off to the side of the room and filled up a mug of tea.

The quiet in Ellie’s thoughts was interrupted by a call from Maria at the front of the room. “Alright, everyone! I want to get started soon, so find a seat, finish up your conversations, and let’s get to it.” A few scattered claps — most prominently from Tommy — and everyone in the building quietly began shuffling towards the chairs set up around the building.

As Ellie stirred a spoon of honey into her tea, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar, dark-haired, strong-nosed someone join her at the table.

“Smooth,” Dina said, with a smirk and a wink.

Ellie snorted, not looking up at her. “Tch. How much did you see?”

“Enough. Although it probably can’t be easy to try and flirt with a girl when your old man is standing right there.”

Ellie sighed and turned around, leaning against the table while Dina poured herself a cup of water. She held the mug of tea closer to her, letting the hot steam rise up and warm her face off. “I probably don’t deserve that benefit of the doubt. I just… sometimes I just don’t know what to _say_ to her.”

“How about, ‘hey, Kat, do you like girls? I like girls. Why don’t we kiss?’”

“I can’t just say that to her!”

“Then don’t say anything. See where it gets you.”

Ellie rolled her eyes and took another sip of tea. “Whatever. Since when are you the romantic expert? Last I saw Jesse he was still all mopey about you guys breaking up.”

Dina turned and grinned, a sly smile on her lips. “Got back together last night,” she said, clearly pleased. “Sometimes you just gotta let guys know what you want. I’m talking about _commitment_, here.”

“Maybe you’re just high maintenance.” Ellie replied with a snarky bite to her voice.

Dina gasped dramatically, and mockingly threw her hand across her chest in offense. Ellie laughed, and across the room, the door opened again, and Jesse walked in. His eyes scanned the room, before landing on Dina and Ellie. He nodded at them and waved a hand, his gaze dreamily locked on Dina.

“Ah! There he is.” Dina said happily, giving him a wave back. “I’m gonna go sit with him, if you don’t mind…”

“No sweat.” Ellie took a sip of her tea. “I should go find Joel. I usually sit with him and Tommy.”

Dina paused from walking away and tilted her head to the side, pursing her lips, considering something. “You always sit with Joel. But with my little eye, I spy someone sitting alone…”

Ellie followed Dina’s gaze to the back right corner of the room, where Kat had just sat down, with one empty chair next to her.

Ellie flushed pink. “You want me to —— ?”

“Do it!” Dina gave her a playful shove with a laugh. “Put yourself out there!”

As Ellie stepped away from Dina and started walking across the room to Kat, a shiver ran down her spine. She’s killed clickers and gone toe-to-toe with bandits and even cannibals, but sitting next to her crush? That was true terror.

Kat looked up from a sketchbook in her lap as Ellie approached. “Hey!” She said, tapping her pencil against the illustrated pages.

“Hey,” Ellie said, not sure why she was feeling so nervous. She and Kat are _friends_, this isn’t so weird, and it’s not like she was asking her out, either. Ellie cleared her throat and asked, “Mind if I catch this with you?”

“Oh, sure! Pull up a chair. You don’t have to ask, y’know,” she added, a bit teasingly. As Ellie sat down, sipping on her tea to give her something to do, Kat gestured to her sketchbook in her lap. “Waaaanna see what I’ve been working on?”

“Duh, of course.” Ellie responded, and leaned over to get a better look. Drawings of butterflies and moths filled the page, and as Ellie flipped through the pages, she saw a variety of insects and plants sketched carefully in graphite. Ferns, birds, and delicate depictions of zinnias much like the ones that would be growing in Joel and Ellie’s backyard once the snow melted. “Getting ready for spring?”

“Oh, you know it. A little extra sunshine does wonders.”

A bell ringing at the front of the room shushed everyone still talking, and all eyes gazed up at the front podium. “Hello, Jackson,” Maria said with a smile, her eyes twinkling. Many in the crowd responded back, “Hi, Maria,” with some airy chuckles here and there.

“So! Today’s date is March 30, 2036. Brand new week, winding down the end of winter, right?” Some scattered cheers from the crowd. “We’re about ready to start getting to work on preparing the orchards and gardens for the upcoming spring, and as you all know, your schedules will be sent to your homes by the end of the night.”

From there, Ellie’s mind drifted from what Maria was saying and down to the pages before Kat, watching her sketch the people sitting around them, how her quick lines evolved into something masterful. Ellie tilted her head to the side, so enraptured in watching Kat draw that she probably wouldn’t have heard what Maria said next, except Kat put her pencil down and looked up.

“…wrap things up, I do have a bit of exciting news to share with everyone here. Jodie, Parker,” Maria addressed the front row, with a light grin on her face, “Want to get on up here and tell the crowd your news?”

Ellie raised an eyebrow and glanced at Kat, who shrugged in response.

A couple, seemingly in their mid-forties, stepped up to the platform, their fingers interlocked. Ellie was familiar with the man, Parker Atkins, who occasionally worked with Joel doing patrols, but was more commonly found around the dam, keeping everything running. It was the woman, Jodie, that she hadn’t known so well; a newcomer to the community, she had only arrived about three months ago or so, knocking on the dam and asking for help along with a couple others, both older than her.

“I want to say… thank you, so much, to this wonderful community,” Jodie began, her voice shaking a bit. “I’ve wandered what’s left of this country for years, and I never thought living like this would be possible again. But it is, and I’m so thankful it has, because…” her voice breaks suddenly, and a tear falls from her eye. Wiping it away with her free hand, she looked away from the crowd of townspeople and back towards Parker. “…Because it brought me back to Parker.”

As Jodie began sniffling, Parker stepped up and took over. “We were engaged to be married when the Outbreak happened. Ten years passed and we considered ourselves just about married, butit’s not as though anything was able to be made official, no chance to celebrate. And when the Baltimore QZ fell apart ten years ago, we were separated. I found my way here and… I thought Jodie was dead this whole time. I never imagined we’d be reunited while we were still alive.”

When he smiled at the crowd, squeezing Jodie’s hand, Ellie felt the corners of her lips rise involuntarily. No one needed to tell her how much of a miracle this was.

“So,” he continued, his voice beginning to crack as well, “We’ve decided we are finally going to celebrate our wedding. This spring. A real ceremony.”

This statement took the crowd by surprise; a couple people gasped before a quiet filled the room as everyone took the couple’s words in. Then, applause broke out, people stood (including Maria and Tommy), clapping and beaming.

Kat grabbed Ellie’s shoulder and shook it, and Ellie could barely register the warmth of Kat’s touch when she quietly squealed, “They’re going to have a wedding! Here! I’ve never even seen a wedding before! Have you?”

Ellie blinked, and a smile crawled up her lips. “No,” she responded, “Me neither.”

“Thank you,” Jodie said, breathlessly, tears streaking her face, from the front of the room. “Thank you all so much.”

“Ellie, why don’t you come over here and help me chop these? We’ll get to eat faster if you come here and help me out.”

“Alright. Just let me wash my hands,” Ellie said, putting down the guitar and placing it up against the side of the armchair, wandering barefoot into the kitchen. The rabbit was roasting away on the wood stove, and Joel had a wild assortment of vegetables and tubers on the counter before him: parsnips, carrots, onions, potatoes. Ellie ran her hands under the water —— running water, hot water, cold water; just another brilliant convenience Jackson had brought to her life —— and turned back to Joel, drying her hands on her jeans.

“Thanks, kiddo,” Joel said, handing her a knife. “We can practice more on your guitar lessons after dinner,” he added, smiling in that half-hidden way of his. Ellie felt that Joel always smiled more with his eyes than with his mouth.

Ellie set to work, chopping the carrots into bite-size rounds. “Ugh. I’m dying for some fresh food.”

“Tommy told me last week that they’re working to fix up the greenhouse by the end of next spring. We should have more fresh vegetables in the winter then.”

“Guess there’ll be a few firsts this spring,” Ellie replied, grabbing another carrot to chop up.

“What’s that?” Joel asked, peeling an onion.

“You know,” Ellie answered, tilting her head to the side and picking up a potato. “The wedding.”

Joel chuckled. “Hm. Can’t imagine you’ve seen one of those before, huh?”

“Nope.” Ellie studied Joel’s face as he diced the onion into fine pieces. “How do they work? What’re they like, er, what’d they used to be like?”

Joel squinted at the cutting board and stepped back, wiping at his eyes with a hand towel. “Weddings? Well, they were pretty grand affairs back in my day. Lots of family, friends, everyone dressed in their best. There were lots of traditions —— the bride wore white, bouquet toss, father-daughter dance…”

“Really?” Ellie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. For the bride and her dad, mainly. Get workin’ on those parsnips.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

Joel, already done with the onions, went back over to the wood stove and set a frying pan on top, throwing in a small dollop of butter, courtesy of the dairy cows in the Jackson farms. When Ellie first tried it, the day they moved in, she plowed through slice after slice of fresh, toasted bread and butter, and wound up with a terrible stomachache that evening —— one she still truly believed had been worth it. As the butter melted and browned, Ellie finished chopping the parsnips, and Joel added everything on the cutting board to the pan, one ingredient at a time — first the carrots, then the parsnips, then the potatoes, and the onions last. “Tear some of that parsley off for me, woul’ja?” Joel asked, stirring the wonderful-smelling vegetables with a wooden spoon.

“On it,” Ellie responded, and wandered over to the mini-herb garden by the back window. Just about every family in Jackson had one, at least during the winter months; parsley, basil, sage, rosemary, thyme… the same old canned, slowly expiring rations from back in Boston, slimy green beans and tasteless beans stewed into mush, couldn’t hold a candle to the flavors Ellie was now growing in her own home and yard. Ellie tore off a couple stems and rinsed them under cold water, tearing them in her hands as she walked over to the pan Joel stood before, sizzling and filling the kitchen and home with a mouthwatering smell.

As Ellie tore the parsley leaves into the pan filled with vegetables, Joel spoke up again. “I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t seen a wedding in twenty two years. I don’t know how they’re gonna pull this off. Guess that makes me just as clueless as you.”

“I bet it’ll be like those harvest festival things. A big party. That’s what they sound like, anyway, weddings.”

“Well, that’s for the lucky couple to decide ’n figure out. And Maria, I bet she’ll be working hard to pull this off.”

A silence filled the kitchen, which was growing increasingly warm from the cooking, much to Ellie’s pleasure —— it still got so damn _cold_ at night, no matter how much the snow melted during the day. In that way, Wyoming was exactly like Boston.

“Thanks for help with dinner, kiddo. This should be ready soon. Can you go set the table?”

“Sure.” Ellie reached into the cabinet and took out two plates, and a pair of forks and knives. “You don’t have to keep calling me ‘kiddo’, by the way. I’m fifteen. Almost _sixteen_.”

Joel chuckled, finally taking the dutch oven off the heat and beginning to take out the scrumptious cuts of rabbit within.

"You may be almost sixteen,” Joel replied, “but when you get to my age, everyone around you’s a kid, Ellie.”

Ellie sighed, not willing to fight, especially in the face of a very tempting dinner. “Just don’t call me ‘kiddo’ in front of anyone else, okay? It’s embarrassing.”

Joel nodded with a faint smile. “Can do.”

Ellie and Joel each grabbed their plates and piled on heaps of the cooked vegetables and cuts of rabbit, the legs, the shank, the loin, the shoulder. Ellie shoved a bite of everything into her mouth impatiently, before rinsing with a glass of water. It was easy for someone like Dina to mock Ellie’s eating habits, but she hadn’t experienced the starvation of _that winter_, the one spent traveling the country, with Joel sick and beyond help. But Joel understood and no longer made comments about slowing down, allowing Ellie to eat comfortably, at her own pace.

After their year spent traveling the country, during their first week in Jackson, Joel and Ellie swore they would never eat game again. No more evenings roasting rabbit over a fire, no more shooting squirrels — from here on out, it was farm-raised cattle and pigs and chickens. Joel had waxed on and on for weeks about the delicious ribeye steaks, and Ellie couldn’t get enough of the omelettes, stuffed with fresh garden veggies and homemade cheese.

In the end, however, they lasted maybe a month until Ellie pleaded with Joel to take her out hunting again, and as they brought home two turkeys and a pheasant, the tips of their arrows stained red, Ellie had grinned. It wasn’t about eating whatever you could to survive anymore; finally, she had reached a new phase in her life, one where she could choose to eat what she wanted based on whether or not she liked it or not.

Washing down her rabbit with a glass of water, a thought came to Ellie. “Joel?” She asked, tentatively, from the cold rim of her cup.

“Mm?” He replied, spearing a carrot and plopping it into his mouth, chewing absently.

Ellie paused briefly. Asking Joel about times before the outbreak was one thing; asking Joel about his life before the outbreak was another entirely, one Ellie was careful to respect the boundaries of. She didn’t know if this question would be crossing a line. “When… when you got married. What was it like? Was it nice?”

Joel swallowed, his eyes turning distant and unreadable. The sound of the wood stove burning away filled the house and the space between them, until Joel cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “Ah…no. She was pretty far along with Sarah when we got married. It was a quick thing, signed a piece of paper at the courthouse. There wasn’t no ceremony, nothin’ like that.”

“Oh.” Ellie said, twirling her fork in her hand.

Eventually, Joel smiled, and clapped his hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “Oh, don’t worry ‘bout it, Ellie. Long time ago now. Now, do you know what assignments you’ve got this week?”

Ellie couldn’t blame him for the hasty change of subject. “Uh, I have a lot of farm and garden duties. Building the beds, organizing the seeds, that sort of thing. What about you?”

“Any time I’m not doing patrols, I’m probably going to be working on the wall, or fixing up some of those houses. Construction work.”

“Hmph.” Ellie said, poking at a parsnip.

Joel worked to suppress a smile. “Hmph?” He questioned, lightly.

Ellie groaned. “I’m ready to do patrols, Joel. You know I am, Tommy knows I am, but Maria won’t budge! And I’m not the only one who wants to help, Jesse does too, but it doesn’t count for anything because we aren’t eighteen. It’s bullshit. I want to _help_.”

Joel sighed. “Maria’s got her reasons for keeping kids on the inside of the wall —— ”

“Come _on_, Joel,” Ellie said, loathing the whiney sound of her voice. “I’m not a _kid_, I’m _capable_. Can’t you talk to her? Get her to come around? Maybe she’ll listen to you.”

Joel didn’t answer right away, finishing the meal before him, cleaning his plate of vegetables and rabbit. Ellie poked at her food, frustrated, as Joel stood, empty dish and cup in hand.

“You think she’s right, don’t you? About _kids_ not working outside the wall?”

“You still eating?” Joel asked, gesturing to Ellie’s plate. In response, she speared a potato and nodded, her eyes downcast. “I know you’re capable, more than anyone else here, Ellie. I haven’t forgotten that I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you. I just think… you deserve to rest for a while. You shouldn’t have to be an adult so young.”

“But I’ve been taking care of myself. And you ought to rest too, but you’re still going on patrols.”

“I’m also fifty three years old. Not exactly fifteen.” Joel responded, placing his dishes in the sink and beginning to scrub them with a soapy sponge.

Ellie swallowed the last bite of rabbit on her plate and stood. “Just because I’m fifteen doesn’t mean I can’t help.” She said, finally, handing her dirty dishes to Joel at the sink.

Joel nodded, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening in thought. “All right,” He said eventually, turning to glance at Ellie, “I’ll talk with Maria, see if I can get her thoughts on the matter, if she’ll budge a bit. I ain’t got no promises —— ”

“Yes!” Ellie exclaimed with a squeal, unable to help herself. She wrapped her skinny arms around Joel’s bulky frame and squeezed tight, grinning from ear to ear. “Thank you! Thank you so freaking much!”

Joel chuckled, a bit stunned at first from Ellie’s reaction, but soon locked his arms back around her warmly. “Don’t mention it, kiddo,” He said, quietly, taking in the detail of Ellie’s freckled cheek pressed firmly against the warm flannel of his shirt.

Eventually, Ellie’s grip loosened and she stepped back, still grinning faintly.

Joel scratched the back of his head, then jerked his head in the direction of the living room, where the guitar stood propped up against the armchair. “I’ll finish these dishes up,” He said to Ellie. “Why don’t you bring the guitar in here and play for me, show me how you’re comin’ along on that?”

“Alright,” Ellie said, heading into the living room and picking up the guitar, pulling her chair at the dinner table out and taking a seat.

“Tune it like I showed you,” Joel called to her, still scrubbing away at the dishes.

“I’m on it,” Ellie replied, twisting the turning knobs and strumming with the pick between her fingers until the sound was just right.

“What do you wanna play?”

“Uh, I’ve been practicing that same one you showed me.”

He nodded to her. “Well, go on then,” he encouraged.

Ellie strummed the strings gently, shifting the way the guitar felt in her lap, adjusting her fingers to the right position on the cords, and finally started to play.

“Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,

Go to sleep, you little baby,

When you wake, you shall have,

All the pretty little horses…

Blacks and bays,

Dapples and grays,

A coach an’ six little horses…”

**Author's Note:**

> so this is gonna be a multi-chaptered thing, i’m expecting about five or six chapters out of this, please allow some time between each update, i wanna make it my best :)  
also the song at the end is the folk song “all the pretty little horses”, specifically the version by the band among the oak and ash, it’s on spotify look it up it’s great. that song is gonna come back later in this fic trust me so give it a listen  
(is it obvious to anyone else that i don’t actually know how to play guitar...................)


End file.
